I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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