Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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