can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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