I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
