I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
