All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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