I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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