we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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