pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
What a dumb baby whore.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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