Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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