you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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