Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
