I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
