Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
This girl is more easily done than said...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
