Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
