1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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