my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
