wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Someone came in the potted fern
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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