we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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