OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I fill condoms, not promises.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
