Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
