New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
