And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
