he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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