You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
