nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
