I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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