Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
