I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
