you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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