If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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