you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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