I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
