eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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