you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
