you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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