Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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