Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
