God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
