My balls are so social today.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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