also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
