Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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