I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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