I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I love you. Go after that dick
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
