If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Houston, we have a squirter
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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