Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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