We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Randomize
