I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
