Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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