i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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