I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
