just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
