you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
