So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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